In my resolutions post from a couple of weeks ago, I talked about doing the things I love more and trying to minimize the nonessential things that I don’t like doing. I’ve gotten some good feedback, which at least assures me that a few people are reading this!
This week my thoughts have turned to balance. Here’s something that I know about myself: When I’m busy, I want things to slow down. But when things are slow, I crave busyness. I feel better about myself when I’m productive. This past Saturday, I literally did nothing from about 9 AM to 6 PM. With the exception of a trip with Gus to the dog park, I sat on my couch flipping channels on the TV. And by the end of the restful day, I was in an unbelievably crabby mood. In my mind, I had wasted an entire day that should have been spent cleaning, doing laundry, running errands, exercising, planning out the next week, or whatever. I felt guilty for being “lazy.” And I really shouldn’t have felt guilty at all! I was still recovering from a nasty sinus infection that had me sidelined for about 10 days, and I was just worn out.
Was I being too hard on myself? Yes, definitely. That’s a theme in my life right now. I set unrealistic expectations for myself and then feel guilty for not measuring up to them. I’m setting myself up to fail which in turns sets me up for a lot of stress. Stress that manifests itself as high blood pressure, stomach problems, tension headaches, neck pain, trouble sleeping, general irritability and really unflattering comments from people about how tired I look. (Note: Don’t ever tell a girl that she looks tired. That translates as: “Wow, you look awful.”)
So…back to the main point of this post. In an effort to work at my goal of being less of a perfectionist and more carefree, I’ve decided that the goal is to find balance. This means finding the balance between productivity and rest. Between want to do and have to do (option versus obligation). Between being involved with things I love and being overcommitted. Even between what I think I have to do and what I actually have to do (putting unrealistic expectations on myself).
It’ll take some time to sift through and evaluate the ways that I spend my time and decide which direction to go. It’s not going to be easy and it might involve some tough choices. I wish I knew what this balance will look like, but I’m pretty sure that this is going to be a lifelong process that will involve constant evaluation and adaptation.
Bottom line: I’m an adult, and I’m certainly not the only one thinking about how to better balance my life. I do some things really well, and other things I don’t.
With all of that said, I lead a very blessed, very full life. And I thank God for that.
